Surviving and Thriving the Holiday
“Sometimes we don't even realize we're sad or blue because we're just going through the emotions.”
So I wanted to talk about holiday blues because it's a really real thing and so many of us deal with it. It hits over the holidays. Even when we're happy, we can find ourselves in certain things when the blues hit. And the holidays are such a powerful potent time for that.
A lot of us hide from it, from ourselves, and keep it secret from others because there's so much pressure for having the Christmas spirit and the holiday spirit and everything else. You feel like it's a downer or it's not safe or you're not allowed to be down during the holidays. First of all, that's just a load.
The holidays have just gone even crazier lately. There's so much commercialization for the HOLLA. Over just this holiday season, it's taking it away from what it originally is and what it was meant to be. First of all, know that there's just so much pressure on all the things and then social media doesn't help because everyone's posting all their great fabulous holiday things. And if you're not experiencing that, you're like, “Oh well that sucks.”
If you're feeling blue or down, number one, don't feel bad about that or beat up on yourself about that. We all get there. And as a matter of fact, I realized I actually was unconsciously hiding from my blues and that might be you as well.
What Do I Mean?
For me, the holidays are tough because I won't see and I don't know if I'll get through this without crying or not. It takes me back to when my mother was dying. It's like a double whammy because it was her favorite holiday. I have so many beautiful warm memories of the holidays. It was also really tough because literally from Thanksgiving to just after New Year when she was the sickest. We knew it was the end. So there are really hard memories that I have around it.
Every year, it's hard because these emotions come up. But the funny tricky part is I don't know when or how they're going to come up or how they show. I've learned to know and be okay that these mixed emotions will come. But who knows!
How to Handle the Blues
So I found myself unexpectedly watching cheesy Christmas movies. Now I like a good Christmas movie. I usually don’t watch corny Christmas movie type but after watching one, I found them rather interesting. Like what's with all the Christmas movies?! It made me realized that I was hiding this sadness that I was feeling and distracting myself in the Christmas movies because I wasn't watching them. I watched “The Best Man Holiday” last night. It was almost my outside excuse to cry.
Sometimes we don't even realize we're sad or blue because we're just going through the emotions. So allow yourself to kind of tune in with what's really going on. Why? Well, how can you deal with the deepest part of you without unless you are tuned in on it?
Tune in with what's really going on with you so that you can be conscious and deal with what’s troubling you. We typically have the holiday blues for one or some combo of three reasons because something happened in the past that's triggering to us. It comes back and we kind of relive and have never fully healed. It's so big and it keeps revisiting.
There's something in the present that we're not happy with and don't want in our lives because it's giving us that blues or making us freak out about the future. So we get the blues now because of the fear of something that may or may not happen in the future like:
Am I ever going to get the family?
Am I ever going to have the kids?
Am I ever going to have or achieve these things?
Break It Down!
There are so many pressures. You have to break it down because it's helpful to see where you are actually down or why you hate the holidays or why you don't like them. You can be in touch with yourself to make better, to make informed decisions of how to deal with it. For me for example, my mom is one of those pains that I've dealt with in some of the big mornings. It's a parent. I loved her. She was one of my best friends. It's never going to go away so I give myself one or some time to actually be in the feelings. So give yourself that but don't overindulge to the point where you just get stuck and cycle down and you're in a rut in the blues. No one wants that. Forget whether it's in the holidays or anytime. Who wants to be stuck in the blues? Give yourself time.
Sometimes the reason we stay, whether it keeps happening every holiday or we just stay in this kind of mid-level rut, is because we never actually give ourselves permission to truly feel and connect with what's upsetting to us. You need to allow yourself to feel that or be in that or get clear. Ask yourself.
Are you angry?
Are you sad?
Are you hurt?
Are you upset?
Are you scared?
What is triggering the blues?
Next is to allow yourself to feel the blues. Yes, it sucks. It's hard. It sucks to keep feeling it or go on and on about it. But you have every right to feel what you're feeling. Allow yourself and empower yourself to decide how you want to go through it. Sometimes we're afraid to go into the feelings because we're going to get stuck. So you have to think and develop a plan and figure out how you are going to get through it. Ask yourself:
Is there something that you need to do?
Is there something you need to do to come full cycle or closeout something with someone?
Is there support that you need?
There are just things that continue to happen. So you need to be clear on what is going on. Ask yourself these:
Do I know where I can make empowered decisions for myself?
Do I have the blues?
Do Something Else!
When you're aware that you are stuck feeling the blues, what you can do is be willing to do something different. You can get up and get out of the house, turn off the TV, or/and put the phone down. But is it easy to get stuck now with those phones in our hands?
Fourth, Get Help!
If doing something else is not working for you, you get some help whether that's helping yourself or asking for help. Let me tell you. Asking for help is hard first and foremost. And then there's nothing worse than asking for help and then you don't receive it. But that's okay because asking is so powerful in receiving that support that you need. So don't be afraid to try and don't be afraid to try again because you deserve your happiness and you deserve to be happy all the time. None of us are ever happy all the time but throughout the seasons you deserve that. So really connect with what is that.
What do I need to feel happy?
Do I need to kind of remove myself from things because it's overwhelming?
Do I need to speak my truth about how things are going?
Dealing with the blues can be really tough and emotional. We all deserve so much more than just to endure until we can get to January 1st or January 2nd because every single day is precious.
Feel the Love!
This sounds corny but feel the love!!! Remember: No matter how big your problems are, this is a big big world with billions of people and so much going on so feel the love. You give yourself some love and a TLC and/or give someone else some love. Because I guarantee you, however hard things are for you, there's someone else who's struggling even more.
Connecting with my blues, I realized that I was trying to move through it. For me, I wasn't doing the things for me. Sometimes it's easier to love others than to love ourselves. This allows us to come back. Sometimes we're over-givers because we're losing it as a distraction to keep from giving our love to ourselves. So this doesn't count for you who are already giving too much love to everybody else. Give that love to yourself!
I just want you to know that whatever you're dealing with during this season, first and foremost, it's okay. There are those of us who love you who are out here to support you. So let me ask you: What do you do to survive the holiday blues? Let me know in the comments.
I’d like to know what's going on with you also, so please drop me a line. I also have a really big announcement that's going to come so keep your eyes open. I'm going to go live on something that I put together free for you to get ready for the new year in such a beautiful, empowered way. This time is a challenge for many and we don't have to go through it by ourselves.
See you in my next blog posts!
Sending Big Big LOVE!